walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
