Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
