just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
