If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
