3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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