i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
