Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
