Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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