ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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