thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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