Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
