My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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