I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
