In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
