Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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