Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
