if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You ruined the universe
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
