..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
