If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
