I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
