did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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