I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
