I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
