Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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