Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
