Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
