her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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