I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
