Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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