i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
