Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
