he wants to bone in the snuggie
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
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i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
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Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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