Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
