where am i from again
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
