I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
