She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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