I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
