no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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