You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
