So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
