if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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