People in love make me want to vomit
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
