any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
