Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
