im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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