My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
