it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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