Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
