I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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