Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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