Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
try to milk me bitch
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
