Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
smell my finger.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
