so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
