How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
