i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
