you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
