I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize