I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
