Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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