Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
