i really wish james franco would like my vagina
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
