apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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