I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
