Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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