I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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