I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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