I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
