This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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