i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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