Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
