...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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