I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
