I must be too annoying 4 u.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
