I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
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i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
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The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize