he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
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This show inspires me to have sex in space
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
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Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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