look no pants
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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